Not Loving Pregnancy This Time Around.. And That’s Okay

Pregnancy

Jun 26

Hey mama,

I haven’t talked much about this pregnancy. Maybe because I’ve been too tired. Or maybe because I’m still wrapping my head around how wildly different it feels from the first.

With Dimitri, I was that pregnant woman. The one who took bump pics every week like clockwork, slathered on belly oil twice a day, took her prenatals religiously, and genuinely loved every minute of it once I got through the first trimester. I felt magical. Glowy. In awe of the entire experience.

This time? It’s… not that.

Physically, mentally, emotionally—everything feels different. I’m already past the halfway point (thank god), and still waiting for that fabled second trimester energy boost. If it’s coming, it’s very fashionably late.

I’ve been nauseous and exhausted almost every day. I’d be lying if I said I remembered to take my prenatals every day. I haven’t taken a single bump progress photo. Not one. Which feels strange and, honestly, a little sad. I feel guilty about that—like I’m not giving this baby the same experience I gave Dimitri.

But I’m also chasing a toddler. I’m navigating a career shift. Life feels a little less stable than it did during my first pregnancy, when I had more time, more rest, more mental clarity. I could listen to my body then—nap when I needed to, move when I wanted to. Now, I’m just trying to keep up.

With Dimitri, I truly wanted to be pregnant. I couldn’t wait to feel every kick, experience every milestone. Of course I wanted to meet him, but I wasn’t in a rush—I wanted to be pregnant. This time? I just want my baby. I’m ready to hold him, kiss him, and move past the pregnancy part. That might sound harsh to some, but it’s how I feel. And I know I’m not the only one.

I even said to Matt the other day—I know I’m supposed to soak this all in. Everyone tells you to enjoy every last second with your first before everything changes. And I get that. I really do. But the truth is—I just want this pregnancy to be over. Even though I still have weeks to go. I feel like I’m counting down instead of savoring.

And then there’s social media. Lately my feed has been full of those “soak up your firstborn” posts. The tearjerker reels that say things like, “This is the last time they’ll fall asleep in your arms” or “You’ll never get this version of them again.” I know they’re meant to be sweet, but I can’t watch them. I avoid them at all costs. They don’t make me feel grateful—they make me feel anxious. Like I’m running out of time. Like I’m not appreciating things enough. Like I’m failing at this “soaking it in” phase everyone talks about.

And if you’re reading this and nodding along—you’re not alone. I know I’m not either. But sometimes it helps to say it out loud.

This pregnancy may not be picture-perfect, but that doesn’t mean it’s not beautiful in its own way. I’m growing another baby boy. And I’m so excited for Dimitri to have a brother close in age, someone to grow up with—because while he has his three amazing older siblings, we only get them part of the week. And I love knowing he’ll have a built-in best friend right here, every day.

So if you’re pregnant with your second (or third, or fourth…) and feeling like you’re not doing enough—take a breath. We’re not failing. We’re just doing the best we can with what we’ve got. And that is more than enough.

Pregnancy isn’t always glowy. But it’s still powerful.

And I’m still so damn grateful. 🙏🏻

xx,