Your Brain Is Not the Same. And That’s Not a Bad Thing.
Hey mama,
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about that moment when someone asks you, “how are you doing?” after having a baby and you open your mouth to answer… and you genuinely don’t know what to say.
Not because nothing is happening. Because everything is happening, and none of it even has words yet.
I used to think that feeling was just exhaustion. Or hormones. Or the fact that I haven’t slept more than a few hours in a row in what feels like forever.
But then I came across an article about research published by researchers in Amsterdam, and it honestly stopped me in my tracks.
They found that pregnancy, whether it is your first or your second, actually changes the physical structure and function of the female brain. Not in a subtle way. The areas most responsible for your sense of self, identity, and self reflection are some of the areas that reorganize the most.
And I just sat there like… wait, what?
As if we are not already going through enough. The hormones, the recovery, the sleep deprivation, the anxiety, the mental load. And now you are telling me my brain is literally being rewired on top of all of that?
No wonder we feel the way we do.
So when you look in the mirror postpartum and think, I do not recognize myself, you are not being dramatic. You are not losing it. Your brain has already changed before you have even had the chance to catch up to it.
That hit me hard.
Because I think so many of us carry this quiet shame around the identity piece. Like we are supposed to become mothers and somehow stay exactly the same, just with a baby added to our lives. And when that does not happen, when you feel different, when things that used to matter do not land the same way, when you feel like a stranger in your own life, we internalize that as failure.
But what if it is not?
The researchers also found links between these brain changes and peripartum depression, which means postpartum depression is not a character flaw or a sign you were not ready. It is connected to measurable, real changes happening inside your body. That is not a scary thing. It is actually relieving, because it means it is not your fault and it can be understood and treated.
And also… why are we not talking about this more?
Women have been having babies since the beginning of time. How is this not common knowledge? Why does it feel like you have to randomly stumble across an article to even realize this is happening?
It is a lot.
I do not have this all figured out. I am still in it. Especially this second time around, I feel the identity shift in a different way. But there is something grounding about knowing there is a real, biological reason behind what I am feeling. That it is not just me. That it is not weakness. That it is not failure.
If you are sitting somewhere right now feeling like a different version of yourself and not totally sure how to make sense of it, you are not broken. You are not failing.
You became a mother. Of course you changed.
And maybe this is not something to fix. Maybe it is something to understand.
I would love to know, did you feel like yourself after having your baby? Did she come back, or did someone new show up instead?
Tell me everything.
xx,
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